People tend to criticize others, forgetting about themselves. How to be, if you are criticized in the most insulting way, and the reprimands that you do are unfair.
The first reaction to someone’s criticism is, as a rule, an insult and indignation: yes how he – or she – dares to say that?! This is not true and it has nothing to do with me! Slander! Perhaps everything is really, but, according to common sense, it is still worth looking at and separating the grain from the tares – where in the criticism heard by you is true and where lies lies and slander.
For this, resting – emotions are a bad advisor, you need to ask yourself the question: why exactly this statement has hit you so much – maybe it has a share of truth? For example, if you were accused of storming Bastille or firing at President Kennedy, you only laughed in response, and the words that you did not go that dress or you wrote a boring article for some reason made you out of equilibrium . If your critic is in something right, correct the mistake and forget – both about his words and about the negative emotions associated with them. If his opinion is not based on anything, the more so. Those who are difficult to do it on their own, take advantage of our advice.
We hold our face
First of all, you should not show criticism to the offender that you are upset – otherwise, the person, realizing that it is so easy to upset you, will use this “weapon” more and more often and exclusively for you. So it makes sense to keep a face and not to show the full depth of his resentment, especially since in this feeling nobody else managed to build anything good-just bad. Moreover, giving his critique of what you are offended means to acknowledge his correctness, and this is appropriate only if you really think so.
Criticism without constructive suggestion is insult
It is equally important to require a criticized person to not only point out your flaws or mistakes, but would advise you how to change the minus sign plus. Criticism has the right to exist only when it proposes constructive ways of remedying the situation, otherwise it is nothing more than insult, and it should react accordingly and ignore both such “criticism” and the most critical one.
How to answer critically
How to respond to critical remarks, each solves on its own. The main thing is to follow a few rules that will help you with the dignity of getting out of the situation.
First, let’s respond calmly, without raising the tone, otherwise you risk losing control and lose control of your emotions.
Secondly, do not spread the thoughts on the tree, otherwise the interlocutor will think that you justify yourself, which means he managed to break through the armor of your self-confidence, and we have already agreed that this will not be tolerated.
And, thirdly, do not hurry to discuss the claims you have made – reduce the conversation to something else, this will give you the opportunity to take your hands and ponder your policy in the discussion, unless you, of course, decide to enter into it.
Turn negative into positive
Even if a person who criticizes your address is guided by good intentions, some part of the aggression and ill-will in his words is still there. The best thing you can do in such a situation is to neutralize his intention to offend you, turning the negativity into a positive one. For example, having heard the reproach that there is always a mess in your workplace, parry: “This is because I am a creative person, and accuracy is the part of boring pedants.” By the way, in this way you will not only blow up the “weapon” from the hands of the “enemy”, but you will also benefit from your self-esteem.
This is not your problem
Another point that must necessarily be taken into account is that any criticism is a reflection of the problems of someone who speaks it to you, and may not matter to you. Therefore, instead of getting angry and worried, just sympathize with him – perhaps a person is severely affected if he overlays his inner experiences in the form of claims to other people.
Sometimes it’s best to stay with your opinion
Well, finally, the truth that is worth remembering: not always with the perseverance worthy of better use, it’s worthwhile to prove its correctness. Of course, if it comes to things of principle, do not yield to concessions. But in matters of less significant, which are not so important to you, one can not stand it with arms in his hands – it will be right to leave the person criticizing him in his opinion, and to stay with his own. Anyway, it’s impossible to turn all people around you into your faith, it’s a waste of time and effort that can be useful for more important and meaningful purposes.
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